Outside Looking In

"Roll the dice and see what happens. You might just like what comes up."

A waffle is delicious when it’s on a plate, but just plain annoying when it’s what you’re doing over a decision.

Hmmm, been too busy lately but still can’t stop myself from making a blog entry… finally, I have finished the "the five people you meet in heaven"… and i have this bad feeling who’s my fourth person…

=============changing the topic=============

well, i have a new boss who’s so workaholic and i don’t think she has this idea that i’m a no robot in this field… she kept on asking me at night, so what time are we going to review the blah blah… (but still, i find it nice) so i don’t have the choice but to say okay and be there at the office evenif i have slept 4 hours and stayed in the office for almost 16 hours… the 4 hours gap is still to be accounted for…

but having a new boss is not that bad afterall, she’s nice and she really trust me…hahahaha… i just want to share this boo boo… both (my manager & i) are new at the budget season… (she in the business, me in the process) we don’t have exactly the idea of how it runs/works at the 1st pass review with the business management… all the while, i have prepared consolidated reports, schedules and stuff… i am so lax because all i thought was she’s the one who’s gonna present to the board the work that i’ve made, which she should have reviewed first, right?  in short, the unexpected happened…  she wasn’t able to review my work, there was no time to brain storm… and so she decided 9 am in the morning that i’ll be the one who’s going to present the whole thing…

fast forward… traumatic? not really, i’m just really surprised… imagine i was able to finish the whole assumption thing in less than 3 hours… god i swear, i wished that i have the power to bubble out that time…

the whole thing was a nice experience… this may be my last time to do the budget since, my "much-awaited" replacement will be starting by next week at least i was able to experience the whole stuff in a half a blast moment!

"Sacrifice is part of life.  It’s supposed to be.  It’s not something to regret.  It’s something to aspire to."

I’m such a slow reader and i hate it…it’ll take me thousand years nowadays to finish a 200 pager book…Well, one of the reasons is that I’m really busy. Grrr!   Anyway, I’m now in the process of reading "the five people you meet in heaven" by mitch albom (writer of tuesdays with morrie)  and  I’m on his second person/lesson…  I was really struck by his words on sacrifice…

Why? Because I have made an unintentional sacrifice.  And again, I quote from his work… "Sacrifice … You made one, I made one.  But you were angry over yours.  You kept thinking about what you lost."

Yeah,  I have blamed myself for losing someone.  I have kept something inside of me for a long time for the fear of losing him.  I have no intentions at all to tell him. But, someone did it for me and being the person that I am, I made the ultimate sacrifice of confirming the harsh truth.  And in the process, I have lost him.  And that’s the thing… sometimes, we sacrifice and in the process we lose something precious.  I have cried, i have fallen and i regained consciousness and stood up.  I was furious with the situation, i felt depressed and devastated.  I was desperate…became bitter…I kept too focused on what I’ve lost.  Neglecting that it’s not worth the effort.  Little did I know that I’m losing myself in the long run…

And then finally, I told myself that I have a life to live and I better pick up the pieces before it can get worse.  But still, I have to thank him for making me happy.  For those days that he has showered joy and color in my barren days, I have to say, he has made my imperfect world perfectly fine.  And I have to thank him, too for making it easy for me to let go. 

Mitch says that we shouldn’t think of sacrifice as losing something… we should instead put it in this way… "You’re passing it on to someone else" 

I have awaken, I give up… and I’m moving on…