Outside Looking In

How about having a disclaimer for a start…  Well, I have noticed that writing is really more of inspiration to me.  I need to be motivated to come up with a composition.  And most of the time, my depression and tragedy sets the mood for me to do it.  Lately, I have been making up these beautiful choices that led me to be happy and contented.  Sometimes, we just need to know that we made a nice deal for ourselves despite the outcome and we just have to be pleased with it.

In reality, I don’t really have to be happy for a lot of reasons:

1. Someone I know is leaving the town alive, if you know what I mean; I have never felt this feeling since October of 2000.  Having someone who makes you happy and has been slowly being a part of your life will suddenly go away.   Though a friend have told me, there’s nothing really to worry.  I have his friendship; in fact, we were never been on the same plane.  We were never romantically in sync.  There’s a big space-time-continuum lacking.  It’s a whole complicated thing in me and for him (most probably)… it is just nothing more than what I think it is.  So, I decided to stop wallowing on something that’s not worth my time.  Though I’m still sad that I have to lose him but hopeful, that it wouldn’t end that drastic, well, the friendship at least.

2. I’m turning a year older again, and this is really shocking I’m broke.  I’ve never felt this before.  I’m the one who doesn’t have these money problems before.  Well, I’m not really broke; it’s just that I’m not really comfortable in having this limited resources thing.   How can I support my traveling get-away if I’m just earning enough money for myself?  (Well, I guess, I have to wait for the salary increase, which will happen first month of the second quarter.  And money shouldn’t really be an issue now.)

3. I’m really tired of working.  Well, too early for me to feel this way, huh.  I just turned 5 and half years in the company.  The work is challenging, it’s fun but I really feel a little wasted lately.  I don’t exactly know what I want now a days or if I really do like something at all.  (Well, I have my Boracay vacation in March to look forward to.)

Well, I know it’s not really a long list.  But the percentage basically or worth of each is really tremendous.  But I don’t really care that much either.  Like I have said, I’m pretty contented with what I have lately.  Sometimes, I just feel that life’s too boring; my days are becoming so predictable.  Fun is so much to be hoped for.

But I guess, aside from this, I have plenty of reasons to be happy, too.  Well, I don’t really need to pinpoint one by one the major reasons, why I am.  Because the truth is, there’s really no list or whatsoever.  It’s just being satisfied with what I have.  It’s being thankful of the nice things that happened in my life and the chance of journeying it in the most perfect way I believe I can. 

Life’s simply amazing…  It’s how you actually chose it to be.  God gave us life for us to make most out of it.  There’s no might have been and could have been.  Live life according to what you want it to be, and believe in God and everything will follow.

This is the beautiful awakening, and I hope you’ll have yours, too.